Too Fast for Love (The Fasting part 2)

September 5th 9:05 am- Am starting to add up how long until I get to go back to sleep. In sleep, no one can hear you scream. Or your stomach grumble. In sleep I forget I'm hungry.

10:36 am- Beginning to think that I could reenact that scene from The Fly with all of the stomach acid that is building up in my system. Grapefruit acid+lemon acid+orange acid= a mutant power for me. Is there a hero who spit acid? Hunter S. Thompson?

11:12 am- Have to keep reminding myself that I’m not drunk. Seriously. It feels like being drunk and I’m carrying this bottle of weird tasting stuff around. Keep thinking I’m giving folks the ‘alcohol-breath’ and covering my mouth when I talk to them.

12:00 pm- Time has lost all meaning. I blink my eyes, it’s 9 o’clock, then again and it’s 1:30. I am a time traveler. A hungry, hungry time traveler. I should go back to the day they invented corn dogs. Note to self: Google that. And to the guy who invented grape fruit juice and spit acid on him.

11:45 am- Went back in time 15 minutes and tried to tell myself to Google who invented. Had problems communicating with myself because we both covered our mouths thinking our breath smelled like alcohol. Gave up and went back to the present.

2:07 pm- Went back to the gym. Much more tired today. The line of what I’m trying to prove is getting blurry, along with most other lines.

3:42 pm- Things are much more ridiculously funny when you’re loopy from hunger. It’s a wonder that all those people in starving countries aren’t laughing themselves silly all the time. This conversation just occurred a few rows over and I’ve been trying to stifle laughter for minutes upon minutes.
Boss: Hey Adrian... Adrian: Yes? Boss: (giggle) "Yo Adrian!" (pause) You probably get that alot with a name like Adrian. (long pause) Adrian: It was a good movie.

3:45 pm- Supposed to read folks for the show tonight. If my attitude persists, I shall be very difficult to read with tonight. Maybe actors aren’t divas. Maybe they’re just fasting. Starving artists!! It all makes sense.

4:40 pm- The big mistake seems to be talking about food instead of reveling in the euphoria that starving causes. My coworker just brought by MnMs for me to smell. She was getting me back for drawing on her cream of wheat box. I drew a little talking bubble coming from the chef’s mouth that says, ‘This stuff tastes terrible but Nikki likes it anyway.’ I suppose I deserve an ‘MnM-by’ (which is like a drive-by except they’re walking and instead of a hail of bullets it’s the smell of MnMs).

6:15 pm- Went to read possible future candidates for the next show (Mojo). Started off by letting possible co-workers now I was hungry and they’d get nothing from me. Flat, lifeless readings all the way. Called my friend Brent “Brett” multiple times.

7:35 pm- Like the hot-button debate “When does life begin?” we engaged in a hot debate about “When does the fast end?” The wife thought the fast began at 10:00 two nights prior when we took our last bites and ended at 10:00 as well. I thought it began when we had digested our food in the night and began to be hungry. That would tack another 6-7 hours onto the fast. I went and played video games to take my mind off of food.

9:00 pm- Decided the fast would end at 10:00. Got dressed and went to get sushi.

10:00 pm- Everything smelled so potent. Best ginger salad I’ve ever had. Best Miso I’ve ever slurped. Best FutoMaki I’ve ever soaked in wasabi and soy and ate. Best napkin I’ve ever wiped my mouth with.


September 8th 8:30 am- Now that it’s over it’s nice to be able to watch commercials again. Dang a lot of fast food commercials come on when you’re hungry. I dropped 4 pounds pretty quickly but I imagine I have them all back now that I’m enjoying this fine toaster pastry. Still it’s good to remind yourself how good you have it now and again and it’s good to let your body rest and process all the caked on crap that hangs out in there because we’re too busy to pass that junk.