Well, I’m fasting. I won’t get into the logistics of it but I’ve done a couple fasts over the last few years. Anyway, this time, I’ve decided to keep a little diary about it. I know it will get weird before it gets normal.
September 3 10:00 PM- Had last bite of baked ziti and finished off a tasty beverage to bid myself bon voyage to food for a few days.
September 4th 7:00 AM- Woke up earlier than normal. Also woke up hungry which is weird because I’m usually not hungry until I’ve been awake a few hours. Doesn’t bode well.
8:00 AM- Begin drinking the bile-like solution that will sustain me the next few days. Think my stomach is beginning to sense something is amiss.
10:45 AM- OK, my stomach is not pleased and is now aware that food isn’t coming. Stomach growling beginning to make some sort of weird sense. Excel spreadsheets, however, are starting to make less sense.
11:00 AM- It’s really amazing how I live from one meal to the next. One ends and I immediately begin planning the next one. It would be great if I could utilize the time I’m saving by not eating but I think I’m going to be losing energy and coherency soon.
11:16 AM- Getting a headache. Is aspirin considered food?
11:44 AM- Reviewing the account of a girl named Krystal. Why did her name have to be Krystal and why oh why is it spelled like the hamburger?
12:15 PM- Normally I’d be taking my vitamin right now. Are vitamins considered food?
12:45 pm- Someone got McDonald's. Considered having sex with sandwich while they were away from their desk but am afraid to lose any more bodily fluids. Oddly in this case, eating WOULD be cheating but having sex with the sandwich would not be, disproving the old adage, “Eating is not cheating."
1:15 pm- Ridiculous idea to go and exercise on my break to keep my mind off food. Handles of the elliptical look vaguely like chicken legs.
3:00 pm- Coughed up hastily scribbled letter. Presumably written by my stomach. Stomach is threatening other organs if food isn’t forthcoming. Mentions how he never really liked the gallbladder.
3:55 pm- Beginning to ask myself ridiculous questions like, “Is Food considered food?”
4:15 pm- Someone popped popcorn. Creamy beige. Think my olfactory senses are shutting down for self-preservation.
6:00 pm- The misses, who is also fasting (except with carrot juice instead of the bile-esque concoction I’m drinking), and I have an argument about who is having the easier fast. I feel she has the edge on easiness because her carrot juice have bits in them. Bits of carrot but bits nonetheless. She thinks mine is easier because I’m at work where there isn’t as much food.
8:30 pm- We both begin to realize how much the other looks like food. Hers is much less ominous as I look like tofu-steaks and veggie patties. Mine is more scary as she looks like a rack of ribs, a slice of pizza, and oddly a Campbell’s soup can.
10:15 pm- Watching politicians talk frightens what’s left of my appetite away and I figure I should run to bed while I’m not hungry.
11:00 pm- Watch a documentary on Sgt Slaughter. Why does he look so much like a pickle?
September 5th 7:30 am- Toothpaste has never tasted so delicious.
7:45 am- Locked myself out of the house.
8:10 am- Hit my head on refrigerator putting my juices in.
This is day 2. I’ll keep you posted.
4 comments:
"and oddly a Campbell’s soup can."
Might be best to leave this observation out? Never know what's going to offend those ladies...
No, he can save it. You can tell her that she's so beautiful that she's a piece of art, so your mind ended up going to Warhol.
How long are you doing this?
Yeah, but I said she 'oddly' looked like a Campbell's soup can. Isn't 'oddly' my out on this??? *sigh* I'll go buy some flowers.
I think I'll end it tonight at 10 or tomorrow at breakfast. I did the 7 day one last time and it was very difficult. I think this one should be OK, although I miss food a great deal.
This is great. Don't stop yet. I'm having a good time. Please keep writing.
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