Thursday wrap-up

-I have been going nearly nonstop for the last two weeks in a schedule that basically goes work/work/sleep, rinse and repeat. For me, when I get tired, rational thought is the first thing to go. So last night I was thinking about how I finally get to sleep in on Saturday. I have dogs and the dogs often will keep me up due to (in no particular order): They heard a noise, they have to pee, they’re thirsty, they are itchy, they are sleeping on top of a bone and think other dogs are trying to steal it. This makes the sleep portion of the work/work/sleep equation disjointed and often unsatisfying. So the thought occurred to me, “I should take a sleeping pill on Friday night, just to make sure I get some good sleep. Maybe I’ll drink some beer too, just to really knock me out.” What could go wrong, right? For about a minute this seemed like a completely rational thought. So the moral of the story is, don’t trust me to watch your kids or do anything important until I’ve had a good night’s sleep because I’m obviously not thinking sensibly. Otherwise, I may give your kid booze and sleeping pills to sleep or let them play with a live firearm to keep them busy.

-On my way home from the theatre, I’m covered in blood on a nightly basis. There’s no shower at the theatre and the soap doesn’t really do the trick. So last night, soaked in fake blood, I envisioned myself getting pulled over by the Po-po. What would I say? Children have ruined the “I was only doing a play” defense. Isn’t that what kids say? “We were kissing, sure, but we were rehearsing a scene from a play.” I next envisioned myself locked in a prison cell screaming, “I was rehearsing a play!” along with a bunch of murderers who are also screaming how they were rehearsing a play. Coincidently, there would probably be some dudes practicing the kissing scene as well. And that one ass-rape play.

-The dude who runs the theatre and I got into a big discussion about weird superheroes of the 70s. His favorite was the Son of Satan. Anyone remember him? What a hilarious premise for a comic. You know, what does the son of Satan do all day? I bet he fights demons.

So that nestled in my head, during the show last night I got distracted by the thought of a comic book called the Sons of Dracula. See, Dracula has these three sons and they all get a portion of his powers. One can turn into fog, one can turn into 90 dog/wolves, and one can turn into a bat. And they go around solving crimes to try and make up for all the horrible things their dad did. Waitaminute, a bat? One of them, his only power is he can turn into a bat??? Yes. Tell me it wouldn’t be hard to get that guy to join your superhero team.

It’s a pretty stupid idea but I have a history of coming up with stupid ideas that suddenly pop up other places. So I’m putting it out there, World. The Sons of Dracula. Someone start writing it.

-Found out the Lipton Green Tea I’m drinking has sodium benzoate in it so I’ve been walking around unable to tell a lie for the last hour. Then I realized that sodium benzoate wasn’t actually truth serum. I have a lot of apologizing to my coworkers to do.

-I gave up fast food and hamburgers for the last 8 days but then fell off the wagon last night. I immediately got an upset stomach. But that Dr Pepper was the bomb. The subsequent visit to the toilet was not the bomb.

-Interviewed with Scooby-Doo last week to be his PA. That statement is mildly coded but I think you get the point if you know me. Anyway, Scooby was much more depressed and tense than I thought he would be. And Scooby was very upfront about the job sucking, there being no opportunity for advancement, the pay being terrible, and basically being the office gopher for the rest of my life, if I was offered the job.

Then Scooby pulled off my optimistic/happy mask and revealed me to be crotchety Old Man Myers, the disgruntled office worker. And I would have gotten away with it if it wasn’t for those meddling kids (and their terrible wages and general horrible outlook).