New Year's Resolutions- Late edition

With April almost gone and May right around the corner, I can see a clear pattern emerging for the year. I didn’t make New Year’s resolutions this year due to how depressing how I accomplished none of the previous year’s resos. With this in mind, I think of New Year’s resolutions I should have made for this year and how on track I would be to accomplish them.

-Smirk more. I find myself smirking a lot. I blame Harrison Ford in BladeRunner’s special edition that I just picked up. Nobody looks more satisfied after a good smirk than Harry Ford. Plus I’ve had a lot of smirk-worthy moments over the last few months. I may have to switch sides that I smirk on so the right side of my face doesn’t get too built up.

-Eat more unsatisfying foods. I can’t seem to win with my comfort foods lately, and believe me, my comfort foods aren’t really that special. KFC and Pizza Hut top the list and both of them have just been terrible. What gives??? Usually fast food gives me a weird sense of shame, but now it’s giving shame and disappointment. Colonel and um, whatever Pizza hut’s guy is, get back in the game! I need comfort food and a bit of shame and you’re falling short.

-Have more mysterious ailments. I can’t seem to turn my head lately without pulling a muscle in my head, neck or back. Suddenly, I’m fragile.

-Almost get hit by lightening. Was 20 feet away from a telephone pole that got hit yesterday. It was like that scene from The Natural. And it scared the shit out of me. And it made my left arm feel tingly.

-Grow a crazy beard. Usually before my beard can get too crazy, someone tells me to cut it. However, no one is telling me to cut it so I’m growing a crazy beard. I wanted to get a haircut (and have the theatre pay for it) so I’ve just let my hair go and my beard go, but so far, everyone seems fine with it. Is it only a matter of time before the wilderness calls me? Is it only a matter of time before I start sleeping with bears? Um, I mean the animal, not burly gay men.

-Watch an ironically depressing movie. Done. Mission accomplished. Superheroes: We work for tips. Anyone catch that one? It’s about people in Hollywood who want to be famous so they dress up as superheroes in front of Man’s Chinese Theatre and take pictures with people. I guess it was supposed to be very nudge-nudge, wink-wink, but instead it just struck me as incredibly sad. The folks in it have the “I want to be famous at ANY cost” bug (that weird spacey creepiness of reality show people) and are slightly (or more than slightly) delusional about it. The positives I got out of it were my love for the crazy Batman guy who has more holes and gaps in his life than Crisis on Infinite Earths and also that now, when I see a camera somewhere, I act like I’m going to ‘get discovered’, even if it’s a camera at the bank or someone taking a picture of a building.

-Lose all respect for the Miss America contest. Not that I ever respected it, really. And not that that blonde haired box of rock’s comments on gay marriage did it either. It was the fact that that waste of space Perez Hilton was one of the judges. How exactly is he qualified for that? What has he ever done but leach onto famous people? I’d have more respect for him if he dressed up as a superhero in Hollywood.

-Learn to love Battlestar Gallactica and Heroes. Got the first seasons of both of those. Battlestar, after years of people telling me I’d love it, and so I do. A cool balance of real and fantasy. As for Heroes (another show people have told me to watch for years now), well, I’m trying. It’s not quite clicking but I’m only two episodes in, and I’m guessing it’s one of those shows that takes a bit to find its legs.

-Write more, sleep less. For better or worse, this would have been a great resolution. I always seem to write a lot when I’m tired. And there seems to be no shortage of stuff I need to write. On the upside, my play Spoon got picked up and will be performed in 2010, so that’s a good thing.